Birthday Memories

Dad would have been 90 today. It is hard to think how he'd be as a 90-year-old. In many ways, he seemed older than his years, especially in the later stages when his health had deteriorated. Still, I like to think he'd be as curious and caring as ever, loving life as long as he could. And he'd have loved a birthday party, with cake and so on. What he'd hate, as I mentioned before, would be the COVID restrictions. A birthday without family around to celebrate would hardly be worth it, I'm sure he'd say. Anyway, we miss dad on this anniversary of his birth. Warm memories and good thoughts cheer us up today.

 Pandemic Post 

Eleven years has passed since our dad, Frank Sigurdson, died. Lots has happened in the family, for sure. For one thing, there are more of us, as Dad's grandkids continue having kids of their own. Dad never got to meet his great-grandchildren, but there are many of them now. Dad had a powerful relationship with his older grandchildren, keeping in touch with them even from afar. 

My youngest, Nola, was not quite in that group, with her older siblings and cousins who knew their grandad into their teens or even early twenties. Nola was two when Dad died. Still, though she has no direct memories of him, I'm so glad that he got to meet her, and she him. (see the photo of them below.) His grandchildren were all very special to Dad.

This year, of course, we're remembering him from a very unusual point in history. We're all locked down and struggling with the COVID pandemic restrictions. It has been almost a year now, in fact, and the end doesn't seem close enough. It is hard to stay connected, since we are spread all around, from England to Winnipeg to Calgary, and can't travel, can't visit.

This reality hit home particularly hard just this past week, when our mom, Helen Sigurdson, fell in her suite, breaking her hip. That is always hard on anyone, especially older people. Indeed, Dad had a fall and broke a hip in his last year. He went through a lot of pain and a slow recovery. Thankfully, Mom's break was not as bad, as she needed only a half hip replacement. Still, things will be long and hard. I feel for her so much. Yet I can't go to Winnipeg, and couldn't visit her even if I was there. So hard. I miss her so much.

So Mom has been through a lot lately, moving into Dakota House, and assisted living apartment, and then getting locked down. I've been thinking about how Dad might have reacted to these life changes. I think he'd have enjoyed Dakota House and assisted living. A hugely social guy, he loved to chat with people and meet new friends. And his other big love was food, and it is terrific at Dakota House. Indeed, the eating relations pre-COVID were ideal for Dad -- good food in a social atmosphere.

But I'm also sure that Dad would have struggled with the COVID restrictions. He had a very difficult time staying inside, not visiting, not shopping, not seeing people. He was a social cat, as I said before. And he got restless. I don't know what he'd do if he couldn't sneak out to putter around in this store or that, picking up more treasures along the way.  

Anyway, as I remember Dad on the anniversary of his death, it hits home how much I miss him. Dad had a profound influence on me, and my own values and ethics have been shaped by his example. While I no longer have him around to talk to, his memory and example are with me forever.

Nola's Birthday

Here's Dad holding baby Nola 10 years ago. I miss my father a lot, but I'm thankful for all he did for my kids as a wonderful grandpa. Now, of course, I'm experiencing the special thrill he's showing here of holding a new grandchild. And I'm also mindful of the special relationship with each grandkid as they grow older. My dad loved kids and birthdays, so we will think of him when we gather to celebrate Nola's.

Another year has gone by since Dad's death on this day in 2010. A lot has happened in the last year, not to mention the past eight years.

First, and most importantly, Mom continues to thrive and enjoy great good health, in spite of some issues and challenges that are not surprising for someone who is 89 years old. Mom has become the real lynchpin in the Sigurdson family since Dad's passing and she has always had such strong relationships individually with each of her children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren that she makes us each feel unique and loved for who we are. And she continues to inspire us with her literary capacity, her warmth and her wisdom.

Mom and I were comparing notes on how many people would not be alive today if not for us. And the list is long. Go forth and multiply has been well-followed in our family.

Just yesterday, of course, we welcomed baby Ragnar James Lafferty, Lorraine's and Mike's first child (and my first grandson). As has been noted by many, Dad would have loved the Icelandic name. And I love it too. But he'd love Ragnar whether he was named Charles or Abdul (as would I). Dad had a special connection to children and they to him. BTW, here's 12-hour-old Ragnar:

And from the archives, here is Dad with baby Nola.

It is hard to believe that this little baby will be turning 10 this month. Although their time together was short, I am glad she had the chance to meet her Grandpa Frank -- and even more glad that he got to meet her. It is still sad for us that Nola's Grandpa John never had the chance to meet her. His far-too-early death reminds us how fleeting life can be, and how much we need to cherish our time together while we can.

I miss them both, Dad and John. As I settle in to life as a grandfather several times over now, I feel a responsibility to carry on from those who did so much before me. Though gone, I know that Dad and John would be happy to know that their families are thriving and growing and that their memory is kept alive by us all.

Remembering Dad

Seven years has melted away since we said goodbye to Dad. He's in our thoughts on this annual day of remembering, but he's with us other times, too.

It has been an intense year of family activities, with weddings, births and deaths. Dad was one to mark always these important life milestones for the individual but also the wider families involved. He would always be there to celebrate the fun events, and had a special way to make his sheer happiness known to us all. Likewise, he was always there for family and friends in grief or in need. He had compassion and a remarkable ability to empathize.

I never fail to think of Dad specially on the occasion of these important family events. His presence is still with us as we experience the huge satisfactions of life, and he's there too for comfort when we're down. I miss his physical presence, but appreciate my continued spiritual connection.

Thanks Dad.

Another year gone by.

Well, tomorrow marks another year that has gone by since the passing of my father, Frank Sigurdson. For the first couple of years, it still felt unreal not to have him around -- especially on the important family occasions he so loved. But as time goes on, his absence has become normal and we are left with still-strong memories and with some beautiful lessons to help guide us.

As always, Dad missed a lot this year. Retirements, births, weddings, new jobs, new homes -- all the things that happen in the life of a large, extended family. We think of him often, at these special times, to be sure. But we also still think of him when something small kindly reminds us of him or when we feel down or lost, and we wish we could just talk to him one more time.

My father had a full and rewarding life, professionally and personally. His legacy resides in the many lives he touched as a teacher and as a progressive school administrator, one who did all he could to make a difference for inner city youth. As well, he lives on through the family he nurtured and supported. We are still sustained by the love he showed for my mother, his children and our families, and for all of his relatives -- far-flung or closer to home.

Six years after Dad's passing, we are blessed with the fact that Mom is thriving -- enjoying remarkable health and getting wiser by the day. She is surrounded with friendship and love, and she means so much to us all. Indeed, Mom has been the fulcrum of our family for these years. Dad would be so happy to know how she is flourishing and how well all of his family is doing.

Mom and my daughter, Charlotte, went through some old photos this past while, and here is a sample of ones with Dad. It makes my heart surge to see them. I hope you enjoy them, too.

Five Years After, Still Miss You Dad

It is hard to believe that another year has passed since my father, Frank Sigurdson's death on February 2, 2010. Needless to say, I miss him terribly and I know that so many others do as well. Still, his memory provides us with a great deal of comfort.

For all of us, I imagine, remembering someone is a uniquely personal experience. For me, as a father myself, I can't help but reflect on how much I learned about being a parent from my own dad. We are different people, of course, but I like to think that I absorbed some of his lessons about being a supportive, compassionate and present father.

More recently, as I grow older, I can't help marking my own timelines and thinking about where dad was in his life at the stage I'm at now. Well, here we diverge quite a bit. Thankfully, I'm in pretty good health (or at least I hope I am) at the present. But for Dad, unfortunately, the age I'm at now was when he suffered a very severe second heart attack and underwent triple bypass surgery. These were events that totally changed his life. For one thing, he decided to take early retirement. (Now, for me, retirement is something I never even think about, and don't see how I could ever afford it - but that is another story). As for Dad, I am sure that he left behind hopes and unfulfilled career objectives, but retirement also suited him very much and he and Mom got to spend lots of happy years together. Yet, his health concerns did limit his quality of life, especially in his later years.

In spite of that, I remember Dad in his retirement years as an exceptionally connected grandfather. Even for his grandchildren in England or those living in far-away places in Canada, Dad was an interested and highly interactive presence in their lives. He took to computers, for instance, and used each new technological opportunity to keep in touch. He never missed a key life event, and when he saw them, his grandchildren were the centre of his attention. I don't know what sort of grandfather I might be, but again, I could take lessons from the master.

Dad was always proud of his Icelandic heritage, and it is too bad that he did not live to see his granddaughter, Erika, pursuing her academic career at the University of Iceland and living there with her husband, Jason. But again, he did spend time with her in Iceland, on a very meaningful trip. In 2009, only a few months before his death, I took Dad to Iceland for a wonderful visit. It was very special that Erika came up from  England, where she was doing her PhD, to join us for the week we were in Reykjavik (Dad and I then took a car up north to Akureyri, where his mother's people still live). We rented a lovely, roomy apartment in this city and spent lots of time together. Those are fond memories.

Dad would have loved to have seen Charlotte graduate from law school, and he would have loved to be at her upcoming wedding to Lee, whom I know Dad would have really liked. He loved to have family around and to celebrated happy times, so a year full of weddings would have been great for him. My daughter Lorraine is also getting married, and also to a terrific guy, Mike, who Dad would love. Anton's upcoming graduation from Engineering is another event Dad will miss. But it is nice to think of him on those happy occasions, and to be able to say honestly just how much he'd enjoy them. It is a bond we have, because of how important he was to us all.

Finally, a sad thing for me, though, is that my youngest, Nola, never had the chance to get to know my father -- or either of her grandfathers -- both of whom would have been so terrific for her. (Below is a photo of Dad and baby Nola.)