Birthday Memories

Dad would have been 90 today. It is hard to think how he'd be as a 90-year-old. In many ways, he seemed older than his years, especially in the later stages when his health had deteriorated. Still, I like to think he'd be as curious and caring as ever, loving life as long as he could. And he'd have loved a birthday party, with cake and so on. What he'd hate, as I mentioned before, would be the COVID restrictions. A birthday without family around to celebrate would hardly be worth it, I'm sure he'd say. Anyway, we miss dad on this anniversary of his birth. Warm memories and good thoughts cheer us up today.

 Pandemic Post 

Eleven years has passed since our dad, Frank Sigurdson, died. Lots has happened in the family, for sure. For one thing, there are more of us, as Dad's grandkids continue having kids of their own. Dad never got to meet his great-grandchildren, but there are many of them now. Dad had a powerful relationship with his older grandchildren, keeping in touch with them even from afar. 

My youngest, Nola, was not quite in that group, with her older siblings and cousins who knew their grandad into their teens or even early twenties. Nola was two when Dad died. Still, though she has no direct memories of him, I'm so glad that he got to meet her, and she him. (see the photo of them below.) His grandchildren were all very special to Dad.

This year, of course, we're remembering him from a very unusual point in history. We're all locked down and struggling with the COVID pandemic restrictions. It has been almost a year now, in fact, and the end doesn't seem close enough. It is hard to stay connected, since we are spread all around, from England to Winnipeg to Calgary, and can't travel, can't visit.

This reality hit home particularly hard just this past week, when our mom, Helen Sigurdson, fell in her suite, breaking her hip. That is always hard on anyone, especially older people. Indeed, Dad had a fall and broke a hip in his last year. He went through a lot of pain and a slow recovery. Thankfully, Mom's break was not as bad, as she needed only a half hip replacement. Still, things will be long and hard. I feel for her so much. Yet I can't go to Winnipeg, and couldn't visit her even if I was there. So hard. I miss her so much.

So Mom has been through a lot lately, moving into Dakota House, and assisted living apartment, and then getting locked down. I've been thinking about how Dad might have reacted to these life changes. I think he'd have enjoyed Dakota House and assisted living. A hugely social guy, he loved to chat with people and meet new friends. And his other big love was food, and it is terrific at Dakota House. Indeed, the eating relations pre-COVID were ideal for Dad -- good food in a social atmosphere.

But I'm also sure that Dad would have struggled with the COVID restrictions. He had a very difficult time staying inside, not visiting, not shopping, not seeing people. He was a social cat, as I said before. And he got restless. I don't know what he'd do if he couldn't sneak out to putter around in this store or that, picking up more treasures along the way.  

Anyway, as I remember Dad on the anniversary of his death, it hits home how much I miss him. Dad had a profound influence on me, and my own values and ethics have been shaped by his example. While I no longer have him around to talk to, his memory and example are with me forever.

Nola's Birthday

Here's Dad holding baby Nola 10 years ago. I miss my father a lot, but I'm thankful for all he did for my kids as a wonderful grandpa. Now, of course, I'm experiencing the special thrill he's showing here of holding a new grandchild. And I'm also mindful of the special relationship with each grandkid as they grow older. My dad loved kids and birthdays, so we will think of him when we gather to celebrate Nola's.

Another year has gone by since Dad's death on this day in 2010. A lot has happened in the last year, not to mention the past eight years.

First, and most importantly, Mom continues to thrive and enjoy great good health, in spite of some issues and challenges that are not surprising for someone who is 89 years old. Mom has become the real lynchpin in the Sigurdson family since Dad's passing and she has always had such strong relationships individually with each of her children, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren that she makes us each feel unique and loved for who we are. And she continues to inspire us with her literary capacity, her warmth and her wisdom.

Mom and I were comparing notes on how many people would not be alive today if not for us. And the list is long. Go forth and multiply has been well-followed in our family.

Just yesterday, of course, we welcomed baby Ragnar James Lafferty, Lorraine's and Mike's first child (and my first grandson). As has been noted by many, Dad would have loved the Icelandic name. And I love it too. But he'd love Ragnar whether he was named Charles or Abdul (as would I). Dad had a special connection to children and they to him. BTW, here's 12-hour-old Ragnar:

And from the archives, here is Dad with baby Nola.

It is hard to believe that this little baby will be turning 10 this month. Although their time together was short, I am glad she had the chance to meet her Grandpa Frank -- and even more glad that he got to meet her. It is still sad for us that Nola's Grandpa John never had the chance to meet her. His far-too-early death reminds us how fleeting life can be, and how much we need to cherish our time together while we can.

I miss them both, Dad and John. As I settle in to life as a grandfather several times over now, I feel a responsibility to carry on from those who did so much before me. Though gone, I know that Dad and John would be happy to know that their families are thriving and growing and that their memory is kept alive by us all.

Remembering Dad

Seven years has melted away since we said goodbye to Dad. He's in our thoughts on this annual day of remembering, but he's with us other times, too.

It has been an intense year of family activities, with weddings, births and deaths. Dad was one to mark always these important life milestones for the individual but also the wider families involved. He would always be there to celebrate the fun events, and had a special way to make his sheer happiness known to us all. Likewise, he was always there for family and friends in grief or in need. He had compassion and a remarkable ability to empathize.

I never fail to think of Dad specially on the occasion of these important family events. His presence is still with us as we experience the huge satisfactions of life, and he's there too for comfort when we're down. I miss his physical presence, but appreciate my continued spiritual connection.

Thanks Dad.

Another year gone by.

Well, tomorrow marks another year that has gone by since the passing of my father, Frank Sigurdson. For the first couple of years, it still felt unreal not to have him around -- especially on the important family occasions he so loved. But as time goes on, his absence has become normal and we are left with still-strong memories and with some beautiful lessons to help guide us.

As always, Dad missed a lot this year. Retirements, births, weddings, new jobs, new homes -- all the things that happen in the life of a large, extended family. We think of him often, at these special times, to be sure. But we also still think of him when something small kindly reminds us of him or when we feel down or lost, and we wish we could just talk to him one more time.

My father had a full and rewarding life, professionally and personally. His legacy resides in the many lives he touched as a teacher and as a progressive school administrator, one who did all he could to make a difference for inner city youth. As well, he lives on through the family he nurtured and supported. We are still sustained by the love he showed for my mother, his children and our families, and for all of his relatives -- far-flung or closer to home.

Six years after Dad's passing, we are blessed with the fact that Mom is thriving -- enjoying remarkable health and getting wiser by the day. She is surrounded with friendship and love, and she means so much to us all. Indeed, Mom has been the fulcrum of our family for these years. Dad would be so happy to know how she is flourishing and how well all of his family is doing.

Mom and my daughter, Charlotte, went through some old photos this past while, and here is a sample of ones with Dad. It makes my heart surge to see them. I hope you enjoy them, too.

Five Years After, Still Miss You Dad

It is hard to believe that another year has passed since my father, Frank Sigurdson's death on February 2, 2010. Needless to say, I miss him terribly and I know that so many others do as well. Still, his memory provides us with a great deal of comfort.

For all of us, I imagine, remembering someone is a uniquely personal experience. For me, as a father myself, I can't help but reflect on how much I learned about being a parent from my own dad. We are different people, of course, but I like to think that I absorbed some of his lessons about being a supportive, compassionate and present father.

More recently, as I grow older, I can't help marking my own timelines and thinking about where dad was in his life at the stage I'm at now. Well, here we diverge quite a bit. Thankfully, I'm in pretty good health (or at least I hope I am) at the present. But for Dad, unfortunately, the age I'm at now was when he suffered a very severe second heart attack and underwent triple bypass surgery. These were events that totally changed his life. For one thing, he decided to take early retirement. (Now, for me, retirement is something I never even think about, and don't see how I could ever afford it - but that is another story). As for Dad, I am sure that he left behind hopes and unfulfilled career objectives, but retirement also suited him very much and he and Mom got to spend lots of happy years together. Yet, his health concerns did limit his quality of life, especially in his later years.

In spite of that, I remember Dad in his retirement years as an exceptionally connected grandfather. Even for his grandchildren in England or those living in far-away places in Canada, Dad was an interested and highly interactive presence in their lives. He took to computers, for instance, and used each new technological opportunity to keep in touch. He never missed a key life event, and when he saw them, his grandchildren were the centre of his attention. I don't know what sort of grandfather I might be, but again, I could take lessons from the master.

Dad was always proud of his Icelandic heritage, and it is too bad that he did not live to see his granddaughter, Erika, pursuing her academic career at the University of Iceland and living there with her husband, Jason. But again, he did spend time with her in Iceland, on a very meaningful trip. In 2009, only a few months before his death, I took Dad to Iceland for a wonderful visit. It was very special that Erika came up from  England, where she was doing her PhD, to join us for the week we were in Reykjavik (Dad and I then took a car up north to Akureyri, where his mother's people still live). We rented a lovely, roomy apartment in this city and spent lots of time together. Those are fond memories.

Dad would have loved to have seen Charlotte graduate from law school, and he would have loved to be at her upcoming wedding to Lee, whom I know Dad would have really liked. He loved to have family around and to celebrated happy times, so a year full of weddings would have been great for him. My daughter Lorraine is also getting married, and also to a terrific guy, Mike, who Dad would love. Anton's upcoming graduation from Engineering is another event Dad will miss. But it is nice to think of him on those happy occasions, and to be able to say honestly just how much he'd enjoy them. It is a bond we have, because of how important he was to us all.

Finally, a sad thing for me, though, is that my youngest, Nola, never had the chance to get to know my father -- or either of her grandfathers -- both of whom would have been so terrific for her. (Below is a photo of Dad and baby Nola.)

Sunday evening ...

It's Sunday night and I'm at my laptop - reading and writing work-related emails late in the evening, preparing for the coming week. It makes me think of my dad. Every Sunday night during the school year, my dad, who was a school principal, would brew a pot of coffee and sit at the dining room table (the same table, btw, that I'm now so proud to have in my own home). He'd pull out a stack of papers that he had to go through, concentrating grumpily, and prepare for his week ahead. I remember this vividly. It's one of my strongest memories of my dad during my childhood years. And now, my own Sunday night routine reminds me so much of his (though he didn't work at a laptop). It also reminds me of how dearly I miss him. Every day, not just Sundays.

Father's Day

It's Father's Day and, of course, I miss my dad today. He was always one to enjoy special days of any kind -- birthdays, holidays, mother's and father's days. He loved to have the family close to him, and was so often the centre around which most of the activity revolved. Dad was truly in his element with a grandchild on his knee, while holding court with everyone else about the hottest topics of the day.

One of my special memories with Dad came almost exactly this time of year in 2009 when he and I took a trip to Iceland. Erika came up from England and joined us for a week in Reykjavík (where, coincidently, she now lives) and we had a terrific time with relatives and sightseeing. Then Dad and I drove to Akureyri, where we visited with another large group of relatives. Although his health was not great at the time (he passed away just seven months after this trip), he amazed me with his energy and enthusiasm for everyone we met and every place we saw. It was particularly special to see the farm where my grandmother was born, and to get a feel for the landscape of that beautiful part of the world. (Below are photos of Dad in Akureyri and at the church next to his mother's farm.)

Anyway, Happy Father's Day, Dad! We miss you but we're grateful that you've left us with so many wonderful memories.

Grandpa's "selfie"

Another year has gone by since the passing of my father, Frank Sigurdson. I think about him a lot and miss him tremendously. I wish he could have been here to experience the events of the past year, giving us all support and advice, helping us enjoy the "ups" and get through the "downs" of our lives. He was always there for us, even in the later years when he was struggling with health problems. Dad put others first, and cared about every member of the family with equal attention and respect.

Today some of the family will gather at my brother Chris's house to watch the Super Bowl, as has become a tradition over the years. I'm sorry that I won't be there, and know that there is still a big absence felt without Dad there. He loved that event, and was always the most keen on the toonie-per-person betting on the outcome. Of course there's no way to know for sure, but I wonder who he'd be pulling for in today's game? The Broncos because he'd want to see Peyton Manning get another title late in his career? Or the Seahawks because they're the upstarts (and close to Vancouver, where he'd always had an affinity)?

For me, this year marks my own awareness that I am now at the same age when Dad had his first heart attack. While this was the start of many years of health challenges for him, it also led to some positive changes in his life that allowed him, in spite of a more massive heart attack a year later, to enjoy a full and rewarding life for many years after these cardiac events. He and Mom had many years together in retirement, allowing them to travel and share their love for cottage life. Dad was indeed blessed, not just to have those valuable years of living, but to have such a wonderful partner to share them with.

So while I am sad on this day, as I am often when I think of Dad and so selfishly miss him, I'm also thankful that he had such a full and happy life, surrounded by so many people that loved him and that he loved so dearly. Really, what more can anyone wish for out of life?

Richard Sigurdson (February 2, 2014)

Grandpa Frank and Nola Dueck-Sigurdson

My Dad was a wonderful, complicated, intelligent, funny and very loving man. Frank Sigurdson died four years ago today (Feb. 2, 2010) and I miss him even more as every year goes by. He had an enormous heart. As a school principal in Winnipeg’s inner city he worked hard to better the lives of the mostly native and immigrant children he served. Dad loved life and fought vigorously against many health obstacles in his final years and did so with the perfect mixture of tenacity and grace. Here he is with my niece Nola, the last of Mom and Dad’s nine grandchildren, sharing the joy of her new life! - Norman Sigurdson (February 2, 2014)

Another year has gone by since the loss of Frank Sigurdson. I miss him as much now as ever, and know that others do too. However, the lessons we learned about family and integrity and pride will stay with all of us and illuminate our own paths. All the best to everyone who is thinking about Frank today.

And here is what my brother, Norman, wrote about Dad today:

It’s three years ago today that my Dad, Frank Sigurdson, died. I can’t believe it’s been that long. I feel like I was talking to him just the other day. Maybe I was.

Here are two of my favourite pictures of him. In the first one he is a young buck with an Elvis do, and in the second he is at his cousin’s house in Akureyri, Iceland on a trip he took the year before he died.

He lived a lot of life in between those two pictures. I am grateful that I got to live so much of it with him. I know that my Mom, my sister and my brothers, their spouses, and all of the nieces and nephews that Dad loved so much are missing him today as much as I am.

The two pictures are these:

Remembering Frank Sigurdson

It has been two years since our loved one, Frank Sigurdson, passed away. We miss him terribly, and have felt his absence on so many occasions these past two years. We will never stop missing him. The anniversary of his death forces us to look back. As painful as that is, there is something special about taking the time to remember his strength, his good spirit, and his love for all of us. Acceptance of his passing also helps us to look forward, carrying our memories of him with us as we face new challenges and embrace new experiences. We miss him so deeply, but his memory brings us joy.

In Loving Memory, One Year Later

February 2nd is the anniversary of Frank Sigurdson's death. In some ways, it is difficult to believe that it has been a whole year since his passing. But it also seems like it has been a long time -- far too long already -- that we have been without him.

For those of us who knew him and loved him, his death was of course very hard to take. It is very hard still. Yet his memory warms us, and thinking of our good times with him brings joy.

While it is an old standard, the following poem seems appropriate at this time:

Death is Nothing At All

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

Death Poem by Henry Scott Holland ~ 1847-1918
Canon of St. Paul's Cathedral ~ London. UK

The Groovy Years

School Daze

Early Photos

Frank, front and centre

Frank on left

Frank, 3rd from left at front

Elvis style

A handsome young man

Movie star Frank

Newlywed

Cowboy Frank