For all of us, I imagine, remembering someone is a uniquely personal experience. For me, as a father myself, I can't help but reflect on how much I learned about being a parent from my own dad. We are different people, of course, but I like to think that I absorbed some of his lessons about being a supportive, compassionate and present father.
More recently, as I grow older, I can't help marking my own timelines and thinking about where dad was in his life at the stage I'm at now. Well, here we diverge quite a bit. Thankfully, I'm in pretty good health (or at least I hope I am) at the present. But for Dad, unfortunately, the age I'm at now was when he suffered a very severe second heart attack and underwent triple bypass surgery. These were events that totally changed his life. For one thing, he decided to take early retirement. (Now, for me, retirement is something I never even think about, and don't see how I could ever afford it - but that is another story). As for Dad, I am sure that he left behind hopes and unfulfilled career objectives, but retirement also suited him very much and he and Mom got to spend lots of happy years together. Yet, his health concerns did limit his quality of life, especially in his later years.
In spite of that, I remember Dad in his retirement years as an exceptionally connected grandfather. Even for his grandchildren in England or those living in far-away places in Canada, Dad was an interested and highly interactive presence in their lives. He took to computers, for instance, and used each new technological opportunity to keep in touch. He never missed a key life event, and when he saw them, his grandchildren were the centre of his attention. I don't know what sort of grandfather I might be, but again, I could take lessons from the master.
Dad was always proud of his Icelandic heritage, and it is too bad that he did not live to see his granddaughter, Erika, pursuing her academic career at the University of Iceland and living there with her husband, Jason. But again, he did spend time with her in Iceland, on a very meaningful trip. In 2009, only a few months before his death, I took Dad to Iceland for a wonderful visit. It was very special that Erika came up from England, where she was doing her PhD, to join us for the week we were in Reykjavik (Dad and I then took a car up north to Akureyri, where his mother's people still live). We rented a lovely, roomy apartment in this city and spent lots of time together. Those are fond memories.
Dad would have loved to have seen Charlotte graduate from law school, and he would have loved to be at her upcoming wedding to Lee, whom I know Dad would have really liked. He loved to have family around and to celebrated happy times, so a year full of weddings would have been great for him. My daughter Lorraine is also getting married, and also to a terrific guy, Mike, who Dad would love. Anton's upcoming graduation from Engineering is another event Dad will miss. But it is nice to think of him on those happy occasions, and to be able to say honestly just how much he'd enjoy them. It is a bond we have, because of how important he was to us all.
Finally, a sad thing for me, though, is that my youngest, Nola, never had the chance to get to know my father -- or either of her grandfathers -- both of whom would have been so terrific for her. (Below is a photo of Dad and baby Nola.)
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